It isn't just me who is feeling a bit unsure about university/about what they're studying/about life/about which country they'll end up living in/about the ability to even, and that is a little bit comforting.
Perhaps I shouldn't feel safe in the knowledge that those around me are at a loss, but it is nice to know that we are somewhat together.
I know what I enjoy; I enjoy acting, watching various TV shows, reading Harry Potter, a movie here and there, directing, traveling, seeing theatre, finding cool articles on the internet. I enjoy a lot more than that as well.
I think the thing that I am struggling with is the balance between work and fun. What if I had to act for work? To watch TV? Read Harry Potter or watch movies to review them? If I was a director? A person who travels for work (is this a thing?)? A theatre critic? What if I had to find cool articles on the internet for work?
Would I enjoy them anymore?
They say if you love something you never work a day in your life. I don't think thats true. I think that there will always be hard days and easy days and thats okay. I do think that when you find something you enjoy you will be able to have fun within your work and that is so fantastic.
I'm quite an impatient person and I think what is really, truly bothering me at the moment is the waiting. Waiting for the new episode of Modern Family, or for dinner to be ready, for my essay to be over.
But mainly I'm sick waiting to know what my life is going to be like. I'm only eighteen years old and I do feel extremely silly saying that and I can hear so many people older than me telling me that this is the best time of my life and when I actually start working its going to be really hard for me and I'll remember these days and they will seem so good and this and that and the other and etc etc etc.
I just want to know if I will be living in that dream apartment in New York, getting into a cab and telling the driver - "corner of Spring and Mercer please."
I want to know if I will be working as an actor, a teacher, in dramaturgy or in something I've never even imagined myself doing.
I think I, and everyone probably, waits for the day when they don't have to wonder about these things anymore - where they are happy and healthy and settled and they don't think about what is next, because they have found where they want to be.
It takes time, I know. I guess I've just got to learn to be patient.
